Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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