whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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