Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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