Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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