Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
