I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
