FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
