i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
