Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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