He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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