i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
