Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
