He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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