Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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