Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
