It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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