so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
