Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
