I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
