It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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