dude i'm inner monologue high
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
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You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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