I am midnight drunk by noon
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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