I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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