Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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