guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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