a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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