Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
