we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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