Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's never too late to be topless.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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