I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
