oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
