Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
