the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
