Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
