He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it