Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.