So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.