somebody snuck up and got me drunk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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