I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
