This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
smell my finger.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
