I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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