I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
