sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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