i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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