I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
