that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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