i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im holly from the hills drunk
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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