Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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