The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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