i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
