you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The air was thick with penises
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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