she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
