I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
