She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
