So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
