My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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