I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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