so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
