Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
