I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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