i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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