So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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