1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
