I think I died a long time ago.
I understand Curling. That high.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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