When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
