am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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