If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
