so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
