you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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