Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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