I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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