Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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