Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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