my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
