either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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