He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
