sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
