Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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