I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wear drunk well.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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