you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
