i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
