I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
