My sheets look like a crime scene.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
