dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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