Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
