I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
