dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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