I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I look better un-naked...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
