Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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