Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
